The author of this little blog is greatly buoyed by all the support I've received from you, the reader. All the feedback has been heartfelt and is very much appreciated. But one bit of feedback was a hard to swallow.
"How come you only go to dives? Why don't you go a little more upscale?"
Ouch. That hit me where I live, or at least like to hang out.
I typically don't go to high end restaurants because I know how much fakery can be baked in any one particular restaurant. I worked in food service for a very long time and know. Now, don't get me wrong, there are plenty of contentious chefs who pour their considerable talents into every plate that leaves their kitchen. And there are some in this market – the good people at Kitchen in Chapel Hill come to mind – who do genius-level work (a review of Kitchen is forthcoming).
But having worked in the business for years, I'm uncomfortable having people wait on me. I know that sounds silly, but it's true. And if I see that the wait staff is in The Weeds, I have to fight back the urge to bus their tables. It makes Her Imperial Majesty crazy. But we do have a solution: we sit at the bar.
Long before it was fashionable, we sat at the bar. We once did a $150 lunch at the Gramercy Tavern for her birthday. We left some 3,000 calories later, quite sated.
So when Her Imperial Majesty's latest birthday came around, she wanted to go to Heron's, at The Umstead. Knowing that sitting in the dining room required a jacket, and knowing that I would freak if I had to adhere to a dress code, we, true to form, sat at the bar.
The place is perfectly appointed as one might expect a 5 star hotel to be. The service was prompt and friendly. And everything that left the kitchen looked marvelous and I'm sure was quite tasty. But if there is one reason to go to Herons and The Umstead Bar, it can be summed up to two words: the fries.
I've probably eaten some 5,000 orders of French fries in my 50 years on this planet. Most were a mediocre accompaniment to a slightly less mediocre sandwich. The fries at Heron's are the best I've eaten anywhere.
Ever.
Tossed with truffle oil, salt, Parmesan cheese and flat leaf parsley, these have a crunch, a flavor and an aroma that was described by the missus as "otherworldly". They were so good, we were licking the plate.
Seriously.
Sure the Kobe Beef Burger was expertly prepared and Caesar Salad was crisp and bright, but the fries blew away everything. I've never had a side dish that so upstaged the main course. It was just astonishing.
So go. Get anything on menu. It will be great. But remember: you do want fries with that.
Herons / The Umstead bar
100 Woodland Pond Drive
Cary, North Carolina 27513
(919) 447-4200
Cuisine: High end cuisine with locally sourced ingredient
Rating: *****
Prices: $$$$
Atmosphere: Coat and tie crowd
Noise level: funereal quiet
Open:
Breakfast: Monday through Friday 6:30am – 10:00am
Saturday 6:30am – 10:30am
Brunch: Sunday 6:30am – 2:30pm
Lunch: Monday through Saturday 11:30am – 2:00pm
Dinner: Monday through Saturday 5:30pm – 10:00pm
Reservations: Good idea.
Other: They take all manner of plastic.
We rank restaurants in five categories: Extraordinary***** Excellent**** Above average*** Average** Fair*
Her Imperial Majesty Junior is eight years old and is an expert in getting what she wants. Sometimes it starts as a suggestion. Other times, it's a complaint. The one constant is that it is constant. And in a moment of weakness or inattention, we give in.
Most of the time, it's another stuffed animal. She has so many I've lost count.
The latest though, came in the form of dinner, something near and dear to my heart. She wanted something she called an "Untidy Joseph". I agreed, not realizing that what she was really asking for was a Sloppy Joe.
Yeah, I know. I haven't had one in about 40 years either. I seem to remember they were a staple of Friday nights for a while, snarfing one down right before The Wild Wild West came on.
The simplest way would be to open a can of Manwich™. But what's the fun in that? No, the only way to make a really sloppy Sloppy Joe is more or less from scratch.
Ingredients:
- One large yellow onion, diced
- One red bell pepper, diced
- 1 pound of ground beef – 90/10 will work. Anything with a higher fat content will require you to drain the rendered fat off
- ¼ cup brown sugar
- 15 ounce can of tomato sauce
- 1 tablespoon of Montreal Steak Seasoning (I know it's cheating but, hey, it's good)
- 1 tablespoon each red wine vinegar and Worcestershire Sauce
Technique:
- Sauté the veggies in a bit of olive oil until soft, about ten minutes or so.
- Add the ground beef and sauté until brown. If there is excessive render fat, this is the time to drain it off.
- Mix the sugar and steak seasoning mix, then add to the beef and veggie mixture.
- Next, add the tomato sauce, Worcestershire sauce, red wine vinegar and cook until thickened and reduced.
- Served on toasted rolls.
Our results turned out pretty darn tasty and it did give me the opportunity to do some cooking with Das Kinder. Sloppy Joes – Untidy Joseph's if you will – are a great way to have a little kitchen interaction with your own little ones. And it's a good way to take a step, albeit a small one, into your own past.
I see that Netflix has the Wild Wild West. I think it's time to for Das Kinder to meet Jim and Artie. All while eating an Untidy Joseph.
When one leaves home and goes out boldly into the world, the world changes. The home that one once knew evolves, slowly, almost imperceptibly, like tectonic plates that move only a few inches a year.
You turn around, and almost everyone you knew is gone. Friends move away. Their parents die. That oh-so-fun basement where you used to party with your mates belongs to somebody else now.
But, most of us go back, if only to catalog the changes.
Roads move. Intersections turn into roundabouts. My elementary school was bulldozed and turned into a Super K Mart. True story.
It's an obvious point. Think Einstein's relativistic traveler: you get on a space ship and go away only come back to a place you don't recognize. Only a few remaining touchstones of the past are around to give the returning traveler solace.
In Greensboro, where I once lived, things have changed radically. The Sears I went to in order to sit on Santa's lap is long gone. The University continues to expand, turning ball fields into buildings. The dive bar where I once saw REM play is an upscale coffee shop. So it goes.
But on Lee Street there is a little bit of the past preserved like a fly in amber. And it really hasn't changed since the 1970s.
Beef Burger.
I drive 90 minutes in each direction for their Superburger, all the way, dipped. It is as close to a singularity in the universe as exists. The backstory:
Once upon a time, there were Biff Burgers across the south. The chain started in Florida and slowly spread northward. Biff – an acronym for Best in Fast Food – was a regional chain with two very interesting features. The first was a tangy barbecue-esque sauce that the burgers were dipped in prior to being placed on the bun. The other was an ingenious device called The Roto-Grille™. It consists of two circular grills, one atop the other, that turn like a turntable under broiler units. Burgers go on the top grill to cook, while buns go underneath to toast. But more often than not, the fat from the burgers drip down unto the buns. The result is cholesterol and bliss served in waxed paper.
I remember them from my time at UNCG and I drive back every so often for that taste that can't be duplicated.
Ralph Havis has been running the place since he bought it from the original owner in 1971. Once, I asked him if he was ever going to retire.
"No," he said. "You keeping eating them and I'll keep cooking them."
Succinct.
In the late 1970s, the Burger King chain bought out Biff Burger. All the Biff Burger franchisees where given a choice: they could stay Biff Burgers, or they could switch to Burger Kings. But the choice came with a catch – Burger King was only going to advertise the Burger King line. The Biff Burger owners would have to go it alone.
So they all switched. All except Ralph and a fellow in Tampa. Those are the only two Biff Burger's left in the world.
Ralph changed the name a few years back just to make sure he didn't get sued by somebody. I can't imagine anyone doing that but I suppose it's prudent.
As far as burgers go, it's a mess. With the special sauce and other condiments dripping off the bun, it is definitely a napkin intensive sandwich. Still, I wouldn't miss a bite.
Someday, Ralph will retire. And it will be sad. But as long as he keeps making them, I'll keep eating them. And driving 90 minutes in each direction to do it.
Beef Burger
1040 West Lee Street
Greensboro, NC 27403
(336) 272-750
Cuisine: Burgers to die for
Rating: *****
Prices: $
Atmosphere: Unchanged since 1971
Noise level: low to moderate
Open: Mon – Sun 11 am to 11 pm
Reservations: Of course not.
Other: Cash only, 'natch
We rank restaurants in five categories: Extraordinary***** Excellent**** Above average*** Average** Fair*
The 21st Century is really cool when it works. However when it doesn't, bad things tend to happen.
Our collective reliance on the internet, cable / satellite television and GPS is probably not a good thing for humankind. Don't get me wrong, having 500 channels including seven ESPNs is pretty nifty. And don't start about the internet because it allows me to work from home. Without broadband, I'd be punching a clock in Long Island – a truly ugly proposition. However, if it goes down, I'm dead in the water. Contracts don't get sent and things grind to a halt. That stated, the local broadband provider (who shall go nameless) is pretty reliable so downtime is kept to a minimum. There is very little hooky being played here.
On a recent excursion to Cary, both her Imperial Majesty and I had GPS failures, or, more correctly, smart phones with GPS failures. We had heard that there were great burgers to be had at the Abbey Road Grill. We had heard that they grind their beef fresh daily so we could have a medium rare burger. We heard that the beer was cold and cheap.
So away from North Raleigh we went, armed with healthy appetites and GPS enabled smart phones to the wilds of Cary. Only halfway there, they both stopped working and went into The Droid™ Reboot Death Spiral that didn't end until we had found the place by dead reckoning and finished our meal.
But Providence was with us and we made it to our destination, despite an intervention from the 21st Century: the Abbey Road Grill.
From the outside, it looks like it once was a gas station or a C-store or perhaps a combination of the two. No matter. As has been published in this space, former gas stations can crank out genius (see Merritt's Store and Grill).
The atmosphere is relaxed, the beer is cold and the burgers are stupendous. A medium rare burger made with freshly ground beef (10 ounces of Angus, I believe) is something very much out of the ordinary since the state government passed laws dictating how normal citizens can order their sandwiches. Served with French fries or hand cut onion rings (or both in our case), our sandwiches were flavorful and juicy. They were, in a word, marvelous.
The ambiance is that of a quintessentially local joint, where everybody knows everybody else and has for years. Not that they are stuck up; they were very welcoming to my wife and I every time we visited. It is genuinely relaxed environment, where friends gather to root, root, root, for the home team. Comfortable like an old pair of Birkenstocks, it is a place to slip into time and time again, with or without your GPS.
Abbey Road Tavern & Grill
1195 West Chatham Street
Cary, NC 27513
(919) 481-4434
Cuisine: Pub grub done right
Rating: ****
Prices: $
Atmosphere: Relaxed neighborhood tavern
Noise level: low to moderate
Open: Monday - Sunday 11:00 AM - 2:00 AM
Late Night Menu Served Only From 11:00 PM - 2:00 AM
Lunch Menu Available Monday - Friday 11:00 AM - 3:00 PM
Reservations: Nah, not necessary
Other: Come hungry, leave happy.
We rank restaurants in five categories: Extraordinary***** Excellent**** Above average*** Average** Fair*
The dollar signs defined: $ Entrees average less than $10. $$ Entrees $11 to $16. $$$ Entrees $17 to $25. $$$$ Entrees more than $25.
When Adam Richman of Man v. Food stopped, he had 17 of them. That's probably a bit over the top, being as he ate them in a manner of minutes. Perhaps, if one is trying to crack Joey Chestnut's record at Nathan's in Coney Island, its okay to snarf hot dogs – 'cuse me, Hot Wieners – in that manner. But here, there should be the proper reverence.
Because they aren't merely good; they are the standard against which all other are judged.
The first time I drove passed it, I was taking her Imperial Majesty le Grand Dame aka My Mother to Captain Stanley's in Garner. This was long before the opened their fine establishment in North Raleigh. I remember seeing the sign and commenting: "If that place is still open, I bet they make the best dogs in town."
In short: they do.
At the Roast Grill, the chili is made on premises from a 70 year old recipe and they don't serve burgers. Or fries. Or cheese dogs. Or combos. Or chips. Only dogs, sodas and beer. That's it. The menu is even more stripped down that Johnson's in Siler City. On a recent visit, Her Imperial Majesty and I (sans Kinder) got there shortly after they opened. Seated at the counter was a fellow buying a dozen or so for a "tailgate" party at a buddy's place. Apparently NC State was playing out of town so they wanted to replicate the tailgate experience without standing in a parking lot.
So they called George and ordered a dozen to go.
I spoke to the owner, George Poniros, and asked him how many dogs he does a week. "Twelve to fifteen hundred was his reply". That's a lot.
We had a couple of dogs for breakfast before decamping to points south. Mine was "all the way", garnished with the afore mentioned chili, onions and mustard. The missus had hers all the way plus slaw made fresh on the premises.
The results? Hot dog perfection. The burnt skin of the dog snaps in the mouth like my favorite New York City dogs from Gray's Papaya. The difference is the toppings, with the chili in particular being particularly tasty. An utterly marvelous experience.
But don't ask for ketchup, because they don't any. I asked George about that too.
"My grandmother used to keep a bottle in the back for the Greek Orthodox priests," he answered.
Ketchup for the local clergy but nothing for the rest of us sinners? That's okay. His dogs are so good, adding ketchup would be a sin. Even if you don't snarf down as many as Adam did.
The Roast Grill
7 S. West Street
Raleigh N.C. 27603
Phone (919) 832-8292
www.roastgrill.com
Cuisine: Quintessential hog dog joint
Rating: ****
Prices: $
Atmosphere: Utterly paleo
Noise level: low to moderate, but who cares?
Open: Lunch Mon – Sat 11 am to 4 pm
Reservations: Are you crazy?
Other: Cash only, 'natch
We rank restaurants in five categories: Extraordinary***** Excellent**** Above average*** Average** Fair*
The dollar signs defined: $ Entrees average less than $10. $$ Entrees $11 to $16. $$$ Entrees $17 to $25. $$$$ Entrees more than $25.
That's why Her Imperial Majesty, das kinder and I recently braved a sojourn to Quail Ridge Book Store inside The Beltline to see Mr. Brown. The place was absolutely packed with (my guess) something like 700 fans, each clutching a new $40 cookbook written by Mr. Brown.
I greeted him on the way in, welcoming him to Raleigh. He said "thank you", then looked at Junior and said "hi, there". She was thrilled.
He took questions for about 30 minutes before signing books, letting those with children go to the front of the line so the little kids could go home and get in the bed. It was a school night after all.
Class. Real class.
His latest endeavor, Good Eats 2, is lavishly illustrated and follows his show episode by episode, showcasing the recipes, procedures and "Knowledge Concentrates", giving a thorough background as to the ingredient in question. The one that jumped out at me while I was standing in line to get the thing signed was for Mashed Chipotle Sweet Potatoes. Alton created this as a side dish. I wanted to take his basic recipe and stick it in a quesadilla, turning it into entrée (and something I can eat on the sofa while watching a baseball game). The result was…well, you'll see.
Ingredients (what he calls software)
- 2 Large sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed
- 2 tablespoons for butter
- 1/2 teaspoon of kosher salt
- 1 Chipotle pepper in Adobo sauce, chopped
- 1 teaspoon of Adobo sauce (from the pepper can)
- 1/4 cup shredded cheddar or jack cheese – prepackaged blends are cool
- Large flour tortillas
Steam the sweet potatoes in a steamer basket for about 20 minutes or until fork tender. Remove them to a suitable bowl, add the butter and salt and mash them with a potato masher. Add the Chipotle pepper and Adobo, then continue to mash.
Next, prepare your tortilla by covering one half with cheese, then top with your mashed sweet potato mixture. Cover the sweet potato mixture with more cheese and fold the tortilla over. Grill or pan sear your quesadilla until golden brown. Garnish with sour cream, guacamole and refried beans.
Dare I say? It is Good Eats.
When one has children, one must go to the local zoo. It is a parental rite of passage. Das kinder need to look at the exotic animals and the parental units need to traipse along with all the accoutrements of child rearing: strollers, hats, water bottles, diapers, etc. Thankfully, her Imperial Majesty Junior is passed that stage so all the 'rents have to do is get there and back without losing sanity.
And it is a long drive from the Triangle to the N.C. Zoo in Asheboro, and the very first time I saw it, I knew I had to stop. Even though it was closed, it just had that aura of down to Earth goodness that a 70 year old roadside diner has.
But that first time I drove passed, it was Sunday so I would have to wait. And waiting is what you do at Johnson's. Get used to it.
One recent Saturday, Her Imperial Majesty, Her Imperial Majesty Junior, her BFF and myself made our way from the wilds of North Raleigh to the wilds of Asheboro to see the lions and tigers and bears (your cue: "Oh my!"). We took US 64 west through the bucolic rolling hills of Chatham County in order to have the burgers at Johnson's in Siler City. We arrived at about 11:15 and the place was packed. I was told that there's a line waiting for them to open at 10 am.
It has everything you need and nothing you don't. The menu is refreshing simple: cheeseburgers, hamburgers, hot dogs / cheese dogs / combos, lettuce and tomato sandwiches, fries and sodas. That's it. Cash only, 'natch.
My wife and I each had a burger and we split a hot dog. The kids each had a burger with Pepsis (no Coke here) all around. So after waiting 20 minutes to be seated and another 15 minutes for lunch, how was it? Great. Everything was served hot on waxed paper – no plates or styro-food here. My burger was Carolina style – chili, mustard, onions and slaw – and was a study in simplicity. And while the Carolina Burger maybe an acquired taste to my transplanted friends from up North; it is the authentic flavor of Central North Carolina. In this, Johnson's succeeds.
In the line, we spoke to a man who had been in Johnson's "20 times" but never had the time to eat lunch. He said he came during the week but his lunch break was too short to actually get served. So he came on Saturday in order to have the experience of actually being fed. He was still waiting in line when we left. We were told on the way out that sometimes they run out of food and close up early. I can see why.
Johnson's Drive In
1520 E 11th Street, Siler City, NC 27344
Cuisine: Roadside diner
Rating: ***1/2
Prices: $
Atmosphere: Another time, another place
Noise level: moderate to high
Open: Lunch only Tuesday through Saturday
Reservations: No
Other: Counter and booth service, cash only
We rank restaurants in five categories: Extraordinary***** Excellent**** Above average*** Average** Fair*
The dollar signs defined: $ Entrees average less than $10. $$ Entrees $11 to $16. $$$ Entrees $17 to $25. $$$$ Entrees more than $25.
